Alone in the Trenches by Esera Tuaolo Summary and Reviews
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Book Reviews of Alone in the Trenches
Book Review: Esera Finds Peace & Happiness
Summary: 5 Stars
I give this a 5 because he deserves it. This poor guy was so paranoid and afraid of being caught or outed before he chose to do so himself. It is the predominant theme in the book and gets tiresome at times-but I suppose he had a lot to lose being a football player. He's gentlemanly enough to leave out all the juicy stories he could probably tell, but it's always interesting to read how one evolves from a closet case. I e-mailed Esera but never heard back from him and was VERY disappointed over that!!! What's up Esera, you don't appreciate fans??Book Review: read for all
Summary: 5 Stars
what i got from esera tuaolo's book was so much more than i ever expected. tuaolo's story tore at my heart, the pain of his self identity that drove him to the edge...that in the end became a source of his strength was very powerful. i feel that those, who are in a place where there orientation has to be kept hidden, will now find comfort in knowing that others have been there and that life can, and often is, a wonderful place outside the closet. i see this as a tool to help educate, and make those who feel gays don't have a place in our society, to rethink just how much pain and destruction that they have helped fuel by creating the environment where so many feel the need to hide in the shadows of fear. maybe this man's story will help to bring more people together. the book was a very quick read, the story pulled me in and i felt like esera was reading it to me. his amazing positive energy came through as i read. however, it did not make the darkest parts of the book easy to read.
i hoped this has helped someone considering this book to give it a read.
Book Review: awesome and honorable, yet asexual and hollow
Summary: 3 Stars
Identities matter. Many Americans gripe that people of color "talk about race too much" and that gays "flaunt" their sexuality. However, you can see throughout this autobiography why a gay identity is so important to Tuaolo. He does an exhaustive job of showing how his straight teammates got perks that he did not. He makes clear just how bigoted members of the NFL can be. He lets the reader know how other gays have been important to his life.
Further, oppression hurts, despite those who want to ignore it. You would think a capitalist society like the US would want everyone to perform her best. However, Tuaolo consistently points out how he tried to stay below the radar so that no one would wonder about his sexual orientation. Maybe he could have been a Payton or Elway if he didn't have to worry so much about hiding. Unfortunately, this takes a perverse turn as Tuaolo always worries about fellow gays damaging his career. In the same way that individual hate crimes violate entire communities, Tuaolo shows how the closet is a drain upon all closeted people.
This book is sometimes frustrating in its prudishness. Tuaolo implies that he's been kicking it with guys since his teens, yet he never describes the first man or the first time he went to a gay club. Out of nowhere near the end of the book, he finds the love of his life. This asexuality is similar to Joseph Steffan's and Steven Gunderson's autobiographies. Why can't positive gay men speak openly about their sex lives? Their straight counterparts get to do so without castigation. The author doesn't reveal the childhood abuse he faced until deep into the book, this goes against the chronological order of the text. However, I think it's purposeful in order to keep with the asexual tone of the work.
Additionally, I wish there was some flesh here. Tuaolo calls David Kopay, another gay NFL player, a role model. David Kopay showed some flesh on the cover of his autobiography. A fellow gay Samoan, Greg Louganis, showed his backside in his monograph. Why can't Tuaolo show himself with pride too? His book includes photos of his father and brother without shirts, but he always has his shirt on. He naively writes, "I learned later that some guys are into my type." Duh! Most folk like hot, muscular football players. Tuaolo could have sold soooooo many more books if he showed some skin.
bell hooks criticized the documentary "Hoop Dreams" for failing to show that one interviewee had a girlfriend and baby until late in the work. Here, first Tuaolo and his lover are fighting constantly and then they adopt twins. Adoption is usually a long and expensive process, yet that is ignored here. I have Samoan relatives that try to adopt Samoan kids in order to keep the culture alive. Now my guess is that Tuaolo knew the biological parents of his children, yet he never explains why his kids were given up or why he was chosen as the adoptive father. Since adoption is an important issue to many same-sex couples this absence is striking. Tuaolo's good friend Rosie O'Donnell has spoken extensively on adoption. Why didn't he do the same?
Of the only 3 NFL players who have come out, two have been men of color. Not only did I happen to read Roy Simmons' autobiography right before Tuaolo's, I also recommend that other readers do so. These men could not be anymore different. One is PG and one is triple X. One is a role model and one is anything but a role model. No one can espouse homophobic ideas that all gay men are alike when these subjects are so completely different. Still, in no way do I want readers to easily decide that Tuaolo is a good gay while Simmons is a bad [place epithet here].
On the one hand, I thought Tuaolo brought up race much more than he did in interviews years ago when he publicly came out. He mentions his knowledge of the Samoan language and that he tries to befriend the few Polynesians into whom he bumps. However, there was a way in which race was not brought up enough. The NFL is practically 48% Black and 48% White, so those few players who are neither Black nor White probably have much to say on their uniqueness.
To be honest, I was surprised how rarely African-American men were mentioned. Esera stated that he's been equated to The Fridge and Luther Vandross, both African-American men, before. Did he identify with the African Americans on his various teams? He never says.
I especially hate how racism is totally absent in Tuaolo's discussion, especially when he details homophobia and heterosexism so extensively. Here are two examples. A white football player takes Tuaolo to a bar where locals, presumable Caucasian, get into a fight with the Caucasian athlete. After the fight, the NFL team punishes Tuaolo but not his white peer whose idea it was to visit the bar. Isn't this unequal treatment based upon race? Later, Tuaolo states that a counselor thought of his white lover as really gay but himself as going through a phase. Many bigots presume that only whites can be gay and that men of color cannot. Why doesn't Tuaolo tackle this problem?
Speaking of therapists, both of the ones that Tuaolo encounter are homophobic. This is highly disturbing to me given that the APA declassified homosexuality from the DMSV in 1973. Tuaolo may want to turn these malfeasants in for bringing shame upon the profession.
College students could write awesome papers if they compared the autobiographies of Tuaolo, Louganis, or the Rock (all Samoans) or Tuaolo, Simmons, and Kopay (gay football players).
I wonder if Tuaolo identifies as a bear.
Book Review: Ex-NFL Player's Long Journey Toward Self-Acceptance Portrayed With Honesty and Heart
Summary: 5 Stars
The intolerance of gays in high profile professional sports is brought to searing life by former NFL player Esera Tuaolo's revealing autobiography. On the field, he was the worst nightmare for opposing quarterbacks who had to face the six-foot-three, 260-pound defensive nose tackle. Tuaolo had nine successful years in the NFL, played for five different teams starting with the Green Bay Packers and hit his peak as an Atlanta Falcon at the 1999 Super Bowl (even though his team lost to the Denver Broncos). Co-written with sportswriter John Rosengren, the book reflects the ease of an athlete when it comes to the details of training camps, game plays and the often wild carousing that comes with being a football player. Starting with his days as a defensive lineman at Oregon State, Tuaolo's professional accomplishments are all the more impressive in light of his needful beginnings. These sections would please anyone with a love of the game.
However, what makes the book soar is the unblinking honesty of Tuaolo's personal agony in hiding his sexual orientation during the entirety of his football career. Having just read Kenji Yoshino's illuminating book, "Covering: The Hidden Assault on Our Civil Rights", I am even more convinced that Tuaolo's self-imposed stay in the closet was both necessary in an environment particularly hostile to gays and destructive for the torment it produced in his life. The painful covering manifested itself through the hard-drinking, pot-smoking phases in his life, all done to mask the fear and panic around living a lie. There was no unconditional success in his life, as each success produced a worry of equal stature in his mind. His defining moment came after the 1999 Super Bowl, as he describes how his life-partner, Mitchell Wherley, was able to be there, but neither could approach each other as more than friends after the game loss. Tuaolo's ebullient spirit makes his eventual coming out feel particularly triumphant, even though the moment came after his retirement when his disclosure was marginally safer, and the co-authors effectively paint a picture of the precarious crest of media attention that Tuaolo received.
The overriding theme of the book is how family and faith are paramount in his life. He describes his traditional Samoan childhood in Hawaii with loving detail, as well as his current family life with two adopted children. Tuaolo is also a devout Christian, and as a child, he describes how he would turn to prayer when he speculated how he was cursed by God to have such apparently unsavory feelings. Within that context, he gets especially passionate and articulate about what he sees as the religious hypocrisy of Christian athletic groups that vilify gay people. It remains telling that Tuaolo is only the third former NFL player to come out, and one hopes through Tuaolo's example that those gay men still in the game can find the strength to uncover themselves toward true acceptance. Through this unpretentious, often powerful book, I cannot help but admire Tuaolo for his detailed journey toward self-acceptance even more than the talent that originally brought him to prominence.
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