Confirmation: The Hard Evidence of Aliens Among Us?
by Whitley Strieber
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Book Summary Information
Author: Whitley StrieberEdition: Hardcover
Audio: English (Original Language); English (Unknown); English (Published)
Published: 1998-04-15
ISBN: 031218557X
Number of pages: 320
Publisher: St. Martin's Press
Book Reviews of Confirmation: The Hard Evidence of Aliens Among Us?
Book Review: Wise Words From America's Foremost Dingus
Summary: 3 Stars
I go by the name of Dingus McGee. Yes, you've heard of me, boy. I'm the man who plays musical instruments outside your local chemist's shop or cigar store. I'm a regular one-man band, I am. I dance a little jig. You've heard me say, "I'm Dingus McGee and I'll busk for a fee" a million times, and not only in your young man's dreams.
Over the years, a lot of wisenheimers have pointed out that the word 'busking' already implies performing for money, therefore making my catchphrase partially redundant--well, to hell with 'em! My goodness, the literalism in this country today.
I acknowledge, with some sadness, that there are other men named Dingus McGee out and about in the world, but I ain't none of them. I'm the original Dingus. But a moving picture show has never been filmed of my life. I don't run a tavern chain and I ain't from Macon County. I'm not from a Southern state or a hot climate. I don't even like the humid weather. I like ice cream suits, straw boaters, seersucker shirts, Donegal walking caps, and sweet cool breezes. I got the pep and I plan to keep the pep.
I've traveled all about this great country and I'm a firm believer in regionalism. It's a true religion with me. I've left footprints behind from Pensacola to Pascagoula, from Portland to the Piedmont. Yeah man.
Now, I'm worried about these Gray intruders. How many more folks can this mighty country accommodate? We've already got the White, the Black, the Red, the Brown, and the Yellow, now we're supposed to hoof it on over to make room for the Gray too? Land sakes alive.
When I first heard about these Gray folks pressing in on us from the heavens, I almost fell out. And I'm a reasonable Democratic man with a big heart. But if they want to start a colony, can't they colonize the islands of Borneo or Sardinia, or Greenland, or Antarctica instead? Suffering catfish! I'm willing to allow them their choice of climate and terrain.
We already got ourselves a whole generation of youths that don't recognize 'Old Folks At Home' and never heard tell of Johnny Appleseed or Washington Irving. It's no wonder city women are throwing their babies off tenement roofs. It's a disgrace, especially when a cold glass of Pennsylvania Dutch Birch Beer would fix 'em right up. These women have never heard the Mockingbird sing, taken a raft ride down the mighty Mississippi, or come upon a pear tree laden with fruit at autumn time. It's practically a crime to live in such deprivation.
I felt the perspiration of intolerance creeping out of my skull while reading Miss Strieber's book, though to look at 'em, I suspect these Gray folk are flocking here due to the fact that there's nothing left to eat where they come from.
You see the whole lot of 'em never had a home-cooked meal. Their cheeks are concave and their ribs protrude like the bars on a xylophone. And not a hair on the head of any of 'em. It just ain't natural to be as wan and sallow in the complexion as they are. If I were a diagnosing man, I'd say they've all got a hearty case of bowel worm. The first time I ever encountered one of them varmints looking so needy-like, I almost fell out. Marjorie Main on her deathbed was a prettier sight.
And they waltz about without a stitch on. Some people enjoy viewing the natural body, but these Gray folk ain't got no reproductive organs! A fella wouldn't know whether to offer 'em a brassiere or a sports cup. Someone's got to buy a few bolts of gingham and plaid and force some garments on 'em, before they confuse and pollute our country's young minds any further.
Nonetheless, this country has an immigration policy in place, and these Gray folks ought to adhere to it. They have to get in the back of the line at Ellis Island, and let the officials sort out their fate. We can't have any more of 'em suddenly appearing in our bedrooms, kitchens, or attics in the dead of night, it just ain't right. Actions like that will end in a bloody shooting, and a tragedy for all concerned.
When our founding fathers wrote up the Constitution, I don't recall them making allowances for folks from other planets and their wackadoo space gods. America has always been a Christian nation, and we've made accommodations for the Papists, the Jewish people, the Muslim, the Hindu and the atheists too.
How much farther are we expected to bend? I'll continue to recognize the good Lord Jesus Christ, thank you, not Orthon or Yog-Sothoth from the planet Xexanoth. Just the thought of it is enough to make my peppermint go sour.
As far as abductions and kidnappings are concerned, well, that subject doesn't bear civil debate. Wrong is wrong. And I haven't met a man yet that likes to be poked in the caboose against his will.
I've got to ponder on this matter further. When I do, I'll continue my report. Right now, it's time for my 4:00 show. Botherations, I've gone and busted another ukulele string.
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