Fourteen: Growing Up Alone In A Crowd by Stephen Zanichkowsky Summary and Reviews
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Book Reviews of Fourteen: Growing Up Alone In A Crowd
Book Review: Bleh....
Summary: 2 Stars
I can't believe I spent hours of my life reading this self-indulgent drivel. The guy should have kept this all in a journal and saved the rest of us from having to read it. It sounded like such an interesting premise, but it soon disintegrated into whiny mush. This guy has such an unremarkable life. I got sick of hearing about his lack of intimate relationships and his draft-dodging, pot-smoking, incest-driven existence. Many, many people have had lousy, abusive childhoods. Many people dodged the draft; everyone I know has smoked pot and drank and felt directionless. BIG DEAL! I sympathize with him because of the abuse, but I can't fathom how everyone's to blame for his problems except himself. For god's sake, his parents put a roof over his head, he had plenty of food, he even had toys. OK, so it wasn't the most loving household, but after he moved out, he could have done something with his life. Other than publish this boring, self important volume.Book Review: Heartbreaking memoir
Summary: 5 Stars
Zanichkowsky's parents should not have had so many children. That becomes abundantly apparent within the first third of "Fourteen." However, I came to believe that his parents probably should not have been parents at all.
Zanichkowsky's talks about his lack of relationships in his adult life and his sibling's failed marriages and distance from one another are touching, but I was equally struck at how helpless his parents, particularly his mother, were with all those children. They struck back the only way they knew how, with strict discipline, instilling fear, unable to show love, lest it be seen as weakness.
This is a well-written, touching memoir, an unflinching look at growing up surrounded by people but no love. I recommend it highly and I hope Zanichkowsky can someday find the love he needs.
Book Review: Parents who created an empire but gave their kids nothing
Summary: 4 Stars
This story may involve the uniqueness of growing up among fourteen sibs, but it sure isn't a "Cheaper by the Dozen" story. This is an adult's survivor story about his unrequited quest to be loved by his own parents.Poor Stephen Zanichkowsky never had a chance. As the eighth child out of fourteen, he had a childhood of missing out on most of the things kids need. Money was mostly tight until family fortunes changed later on. As you would expect, the kids were sick of doing endless chores, of living in cramped living quarters, of eating canned goods, and of being surrounded by dirty diapers. Such complaints soon seem trivial, as you read Stephen describe a childhood devoid of any emotional nurturing. Stephen's only memories of communications with the folks involve them belittling and bullying him, if they communicated at all. The young, fragile, defenseless kids grew up in fear of their evil father. Father was mostly absent, when he wasn't brutally beating his kids with a stick for corporal punishment. Mother was equally evil, although Stephen describes her in terms of being overwhelmed. This is a much kinder description than Mother deserves, as you find out when you hear how one night, helped by the family priest, she drops off her most bullied and victimized child at a mental institution. She offers no explanation to the other thirteen sibs about his long term diappearance. The brood soon learns to do anything to avoid the brutality of their parents. They have no hesitation to deflect blame on another sibling. Since Stephen's horrible parents are religious zealots, it is also only a matter of time before Stephen is zapped of his faith in God.
Stephen vents, "therapy style", and at times it gets long winded, but you forgive him because you become surprised. As he vents, it is obvious that he knows very little about child abuse. Clearly his therapists have failed him. As is very typical of victims of child abuse, Stephen offers excuses. Basically he says: " Mother was worn out from all the kids. She was just overwhelmed. When she beat us, sometimes for no good reason, she meant well. We were bad..." It is astonishing that he is completely unaware that he has what many institutionalized orphans experience. He has attachment issues. He has no memories of warm physical contact with his Mom, something vital for emotional stability. No wonder he is groundless, and so alone, despite having so many sibs.
Again, you are surprised as he describes how some of his sibs deny his descriptions of what happened and how he repeatedly insists that it did happen. Of course it happened. Of course the sibs were in denial. You suspect even worse things happened to the daughters, one of whom had special needs. There is no doubt in your mind that all were abused and neglected emotionally. You want to send the author an E-mail, urging him to read more about abandonment, neglect, and abuse of children. You write a review at 2 am for Amazon.com, the moment you finish the book. You hope he'll see your review soon. You hope your words will give him the feeling of a tight hug. Stephen deserves that hug.
Book Review: Parents who created an empire but gave their kids nothing
Summary: 4 Stars
This story may involve the uniqueness of growing up among fourteen sibs, but it sure isn't a "Cheaper by the Dozen" story. This is an adult's survivor story about his unrequited quest to be loved by his own parents.Poor Stephen Zanichkowsky never had a chance. As the eighth child out of fourteen, he had a childhood of missing out on most of the things kids need. Money was mostly tight until family fortunes changed later on. As you would expect, the kids were sick of doing endless chores, of living in cramped living quarters, of eating canned goods, and of being surrounded by dirty diapers. Such complaints soon seem trivial, as you read Stephen describe a childhood devoid of any emotional nurturing. Stephen's only memories of communications with the folks involve them belittling and bullying him, if they communicated at all. The young, fragile, defenseless kids grew up in fear of their evil Father. Father was mostly absent, when he wasn't brutally beating his kids with a stick for corporeal punishment. Mother was equally evil, although Stephen describes her in terms of being overwhelmed. This is a much kinder description than Mother deserves, as you find out when you hear how one night, helped by the family priest, she drops off her most bullied and victimized child at a mental institution. She offers no explanation to the other thirteen sibs about his overnight absence. The brood soon learned to do anything to avoid the brutality of their parents. They have no hesitation to deflect blame on another sibling. Since Stephen's horrible parents are religious zealots, it is also only a matter of time before Stephen is zapped of his faith in God.
Stephen vents, "therapy style", and at times it gets long winded, but you forgive him because you become surprised. As he vents, it is obvious that he knows very little about child abuse. Clearly his therapists have failed him. As is very typical of victims of child abuse, Stephen offers excuses. Basically he says: " Mother was worn out from all the kids. She was just overwhelmed. When she beat us, sometimes for no good reason, she meant well. We were bad..." It is astonishing that he is completely unaware that he has what many institutionalized orphans experience. He has attachment issues. He has no memories of warm physical contact with his Mom, something vital for emotional stability. No wonder he is groundless, and so alone, despite having so many sibs.
Again, you are surprised as he describes how some of his sibs deny his descriptions of what happened and how he repeatedly insists that it did happen. Of course it happened. Of course the sibs were in denial. You suspect even worse things happened to the daughters, one of whom had special needs. There is no doubt in your mind that all were abused and neglected emotionally. You want to send the author an E-mail, urging him to read more about abandonment, neglect, and abuse of children. You write a review at 2 am for Amazon.com, the moment you finish the book. You hope he'll see your review soon. You hope your words will give him the feeling of a tight hug. Stephen deserves that hug.
Book Review: Very well written
Summary: 4 Stars
I come from a fairly small family--3 kids and one mother and one father, compared to the author's family. I love the genre memoir and this book is a fine example of a great memoir. The author address the whole family not only his siblings but his parents too. I was sorry when the book ended; I got to know the authors family--almost better than I know my own.
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