Fourteen: Growing Up Alone In A Crowd by Stephen Zanichkowsky Summary and Reviews
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Book Reviews of Fourteen: Growing Up Alone In A Crowd
Book Review: courageous, wrenching exploration of crowded, chaotic youth
Summary: 5 Stars
Stephen Zanichkowsky's parents left his thirteen siblings and him nothing in their last wills, but that was far more than the fourteen children ever received as they grew up in a violent, fear-saturated home. In "Fourteen," Zanichkowsky has drawn a portrait of a home mangled by its size, stunted in ints physical and emotional repressions, fractured by loss of individuality and self-determination. Scarred and bowed by this tormented past, Zanichkowsky nevertheless has marshalled the courage to recall his past and summoned the courage the unflinchingly recount it. "Fourteen" hurts to read and stands as a sober warning -- not only about excessive family size, but about lack of connection between parents and their children.The subtitle of the memoir, "Growing Up Alone in a Crowd," symbolizes the alienation -- from parents, siblings and self -- Zanichkowsky experiences in his childhood homes. Traditional social anchors, such as the Catholic Church, school and neighborhood, cannot compensate for the fact that "our parents hadn't loved us." The sheer number of children and their quick, regular appearance obliterate coherence, quality of life and a sense of acceptance. The "brutality of motherhood" transforms Johanna Zanichkowsky into a resigned, bewildered and defeated woman, one who gains solace from God but not from family. Her maniacal penchant for violence clashes dissonantly with her near fatalistic resignation and frightening apathy towards her children. Stephen's father, Martin, omnipotent and wrathful, dominates the home; he is never reluctant to dispense absolutely bestial beatings with "the stick," a much-used hardwood bed slat.
Amidst the chaotic "motion and commotion," Stephen drives himself to "seek comfort and salvation in solitude." He does so burdened that not only will he never be understood, he must carry the shame that the "possibility of understanding myself" will be forever closed. Education and school, instead of liberating him, freeze Stephen to a sense of separation. The strangeness of his family, exacerbated by sexual ambivalence, compels him to confront differences. He is no more successful than his brothers or sisters in attaining an intact sense of self. Unloved and untethered, the Zanichkowsky children engage in theft, sexual exploration and violation, and dissociative behaviors which dog them even as adults.
Fear is the corrosive element defining the children's relationships with their parents. Avoidance of punishment creates distanced, amoral and pragmatic children, whose simmering resentments must be sublimated and displaced. The Zanichkowsky household, at is elemental level, is an ongoing laboratory of Hobbseian despair -- it is mean, nasy, brutish, but never short.
Reading "Fourteen" requires patience and empathy. The author seeks the written word as therapy, and despite his lean, powerful prose, Stephen Zanichkowsky holds out no false promise for himself. "Fourteen" is unrelentingly honest, and the inspired purity of his distilled memories and keenly-felt realizations educate. Readers can only imagine the true costs on the author.
Book Review: it's the real story
Summary: 4 Stars
Without pity or too much drama, Stephen Zanichowsky write the story for every one of us who grew up in a large family. The book works as a form of his own therapy, but inspires me to face what happened to me, even just for my own benefit of trying to understand or make sense of what happens in a family in which the parents are overwhelmed by too many children, too little resources, and too many human failings. Reading Zanichowsky's story reminded me of my own experiences, many memories that have been buried. I wonder about Zanichowsky's siblings--how they felt about this book. It would take amazing courage to write this book, and a great deal of forgiveness from all of the siblings to publish the real story of their growing up.
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