Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles: Winning for a Lifetime
by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka
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Book Summary Information
Author: Mary Sheedy KurcinkaEdition: Paperback
Audio: English (Original Language); English (Unknown); English (Published)
Published: 2001-03-01
ISBN: 0060930438
Number of pages: 336
Publisher: Harper Paperbacks
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Book Reviews of Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles: Winning for a Lifetime
Book Review: There is more to power struggles
Summary: 3 Stars
This book is written much like "RYSC Workbook" in the setting of a parenting class. The main focus is to determine and identify the feelings behind the misbehaviour. To provide support and nurturing by being an "emotional coach" and helping the child in identifying his/her emotions. If all this fails to bring peace, you may suspect "invisible" medical issues, and are encouraged to seek professional help. I did not disagree with the content of this book, but I feel important areas were either omitted or minimized. Most of the power struggles described, seemed to be nothing more than typical misunderstandings, where the child has a tangible reason for being oppositional. To me the main source of power struggles centre primarily on the parent not the child. So many parents are ovrwhelmed and hindered by feelings of guilt associated with maintaining standards and rules. Unable to tolerate their child being unhappy with them, they unwittingly surender their parental authority to the child. This book does not stress enough how insecure and difficult children become when there are insufficient rules and limits on their behaviour. Power struggles become a search for clear boundaries and have absolutely nothing to do with the reasons expressed by the child. They just don't understand why they become so upset over some trivial thing. The author suggests that if you can determine the childs emotional need behind the power struggle, you should not look at the behaviour as manipulative. Regardless of the circumstances and underlying emotions, when a child tries to change a "No" to a "Yes" it IS manipulation! There is always a reason, manipulation is a two way street and always a mutual avoidance of something. There is a good section in this book which helps parents to determine sources of stress in a childs life and describes the many medical problems which could be a factor. Also a very informative chapter on temperamental differences and how they relate to discipline. Overall a good book to read but would strongly recommend reading "The Manipulative Child: How to Regain Control and Raise Resilient, Resourceful, and Independent Kids" and "Setting Limits" for a further understanding of power struggles and more importantly, what to do.
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