Kosher Sex: A Recipe for Passion and Intimacy
by Shmuley Boteach
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Book Summary Information
Author: Shmuley BoteachEdition: Paperback
Audio: English (Unknown); English (Original Language); English (Published)
Published: 2000-01
ISBN: 0385494661
Number of pages: 304
Publisher: Three Rivers Press
Book Reviews of Kosher Sex: A Recipe for Passion and Intimacy
Book Review: A wonderful book, with some limitations
Summary: 5 Stars
This is an interesting, sensitive and intelligent book, written by a man of considerable charisma and persuasive power. It belongs squarely in the self-help genre. Although the author is a rabbi, the book will appeal both to a general and a Jewish audience.
In the book, Rabbi Botheach explores the roles of sex and intimacy in creating strong marriages. His viewpoint is positive and encouraging. He celebrates love and sex in the context of marriage and elevates the bonds between men and women. Boteach really believes that love makes the world go around. It's a book that will make you feel good and help you think about the relationships in your life in new ways.
Although he is a rabbi, some of Boteach's views are remarkably "out of the box" and are supported by modern research. Just one example: the argument that good sex can lead to people falling in love (not the other way around-that love is a prerequisite for great sex) is supported by the latest research. Other opinions he expresses are so commonsensical that they will strike a chord even in the heart of someone who does not agree with everything Boteach says.
One of things I most liked about the book is Boteach's respectful celebration of women. Unlike other Orthodox writers, he does not argue that women are somehow inferior to men. I think he really likes women. His attempt at explaining why women and men have separate roles in Judaism (to preserve women's mysterious nature) is the only part of the book that left me with a feeling that Boteach did not perhaps really believe what he is writing. This is of great credit to him.
I liked the book a great deal and I recommend it, but there are a few things I'd like the perspective reader to keep in mind.
Boteach is a Hassidic rabbi. This stream of Judaism has missionary aims (mostly directed toward other Jews). Some Hassidic rabbis will speak pretty much any speak to make their point and reel in the audience. Boteach's friendly and easy manner is a type of method acting, which aims to educate you; outreach is what he does for a living. I personally find nothing wrong with this, but bear in mind that there is a reason for the style and language that the book employs. Behind the "one of us" style hides a deeply conservative set of arguments. Boteach rejects very mainstream sexual practices (masturbation and pornography outright and even sex in any other but the missionary position or leaving the light on). I think many readers may find this somewhat irritating. If you can get over this and think about the deep respect in which Boteach holds love and intimacy and his celebration of men and women, you'll get more out of the book.
My only other reservation is a sense that Boteach's view of marriage is a little idealized (and no wonder - that's the point of the book). I know many marriages that don't rest of intimacy, but on very down to earth reasons (money, career, security, status and so on). While these seem flawed to Boteach, I am not at all convinced that he is right. The idea that marriage and love are connected is very Western and ethnocentric. I would like us to recognize that there are other valid models for marriages and, though Boteach rejects them, I feel that they are probably more the norm than his flowering of love. I'd like the world to operate a la Boteach, but I am not sure it really does.
Nevertheless, this is a wonderful book and I recommend it.
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