Lament for a Son by Nicholas Wolterstorff, Wolterstorff Summary and Reviews
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Book Reviews of Lament for a Son
Book Review: The Closeness of the Far Away
Summary: 5 Stars
After reading Nicholas Wolterstorff's 'Lament For A Son', I realize just how little I really know and can feel about the experience of death of a close relative. Even though I spent a good part of my last year at college hearing the cries of my land lady following her son's suicide, the words of Wolterstoff tell of an experience that is well beyond my capacity to truly understand. Now I know that phrases like 'he is in a better place' or 'I know how you are feeling' are best left unspoken.
Wolterstorff's son Eric was a venturesome young man who excelled at college and had a bright future ahead of him. Entering college as a National Merit Scholar- a stellar student in science and mathematics- but eventually turning to art history, it was his love for mountain climbing that lead to his sudden and tragic death- a fall from which he could not save himself. So violent was his death that the pain his father feels today far exceeds any comfort he can glean from the memories of his childhood. For Wolterstorff, "the pain of the no-more outweighs that gratitude of the once was"(p.13). He writes of the 'silence' that now fills him with grief; he reflects on how his son has departed forever- departed in the briefest of moments. He thinks of how only his own death as a father will ever take the pain away. There lies a deep irony in this tragedy- that it was the majestic mountains, "beauty pure from the hand of God" that took his son's life (p.19). As a consequence, Eric's words may be forgotten and his contributions to society lost, "cut down at the peak of vitality" (p.24).
Today Wolterstorff grieves through tears choosing to remember his son through constant daily reminders. He does not hide the memories- the clothes, the objects, the photos. Indeed the words of Jesus in his last moments, "do this in remembrance of me" ring true for his own emotional healing. He must keep remembering. Death is awful- demonic even. After such a tragedy death still stalks. He feels overwhelmed sometimes by the sense that he has to live the rest of his life without Eric. Yet as a grieving father, Wolterstorff's liturgy at his son's funeral tells of a hope beyond the grave- "Those who believe in [Christ], though they die, yet shall they live" [p.38]. Quoting from John Donne, he also writes of his belief in a purpose for our lives- 'translators' that reveal God's glory during our time here on earth.
Still, having touched his dead son's body in all its coldness and lifelessness, Wolterstorff lives today with the wounds of unanswered questions. Why did God let his son die in such a horrific accident? Why, after twenty five years was his life smashed in an instant? How can God, the maker of heaven and earth, have allowed this to happen? Such questions inevitably haunt Wolterstorff as he lives on with the ongoing alternation between lament and faith in God. He often sees life as darkness and does not know if in such darkness he will ever find the light of God. He is deeply afflicted by the seemingly trivial- by the innocent questions of those who do not know what has happened, "How many children do you have?" or, "What are your children doing now?". He lives with the regrets of the things he did not do with his son- the times that he did not play with him. But in all of this, he lives in hope of the 'Great Day' when he and his son will be able to embrace. That desire surely a loving God must grant.
Wolterstorff's suffering bears witness to the love that he had for his son. He suffers because he loved. Jesus' second most important commandment to us was to love our neighbors as ourselves (Mathew 33 vs 39). In loving others, we show our love for God. In commanding us to love, Jesus was also commanding us to suffer. In the face of this suffering over death, Wolterstorff has risen up, albeit wounded, in victory through faith in a living God. Yes, Wolterstorff holds intensely to the hope of a reunion with his son in the city of heaven, however that may be. But until then, goodbye is all he can say. He mourns deeply, very deeply. With all its advancement, technology has not been able to overcome death. But Wolterstorff indicates his hope in an eternal perspective.
I close here with the words Wolterstorff chose from the biblical book of Revelation as part of the requiem that he commissioned for Eric- words through which to live in hope:
"We have seen a great mystery: We shall all be changed. We shall be raised in Christ as we were buried in Christ. Death is swallowed up in victory. The dwelling of God will be with his people. God will wipe every tear from their eyes; and death shall be no more. There shall be no mourning, no crying no pain; sorrow and sighing shall flee away. For the old things are disappearing"
(Revelation 21)
Book Review: The Greatest Book Ever!
Summary: 5 Stars
I am reading this book now....It's absolutely AMAZING!!! After my son was killed 3 years ago, this is the first book, therapy, support...that has ever touched on the REAL feelings and every aspect of how it changes our lives and who we are! I would love to meet this author for having the courage to delve into areas that no other author has gone!Book Review: The Suffering God
Summary: 5 Stars
Wolterstorff's thoughts are written in what might have been a diary. Day by day he catalogs the pain of grief, the thoughts it inspires, and the emotions felt. The book is a collection of meditations of a Christian philosopher who lost his son in a mountain climbing accident. He mocks the vanity of trying to think of "solutions" to the problem of evil or pious answers that appeal to God's sovereignty. The idea of God shaking Eric off the mountain, as he puts it, is "deaf to the gospel." The gospel is about God's overcoming death. To offer comfort by saying he causes it, is no comfort at all.
Instead, Wolterstorff embraces the suffering and pain caused by death and finds in God an attribute of compassion that weeps with him as well. What emerges in the end is a God of passion who grieves deeply alongside with the grief of his creatures. To love is to suffer. "When something prized or loved is ripped away or never granted--work, someone loved, recognition of one's dignity, life without physical pain-- that is suffering." Love in our kind of world is suffering love.
Of course, in this view, why could there not be a world where love-without-suffering is meaningful? This is a question Wolterstorff cannot answer. It compounds his "gaping wound" into a "gaping question." For now, all we can do is work towards love, justice and mercy and lament those instances where they are thwarted. Our labor is not in vain, however, as God is working for and alongside us.
Book Review: The Wounds of God
Summary: 5 Stars
Nicholas Wolterstorff is a top drawer theologian who taught at Yale for years. He is a part of the evangelical Christian Reformed Church.
But he's also one who knows deep sorrow up close. His gifted, kind young son Eric was taken suddenly in a freak accident. Wolterstorff was plunged into deep grief that caused him to reconsider everything. On the other end of it came a requiem music memorial, and this engrossing little book - Lament for a Son, written in 1987. For years I have recommended this to many who have experienced loss. The only way Wolterstorff could make sense of his loss Biblically was to realize that God is a suffering God. He discovered the tears of God. What happened when we, essentially, flashed God the bird, since the Fall? God could have justly destroyed us all. Instead, God chose a course of personal pain. He invested his heart in us.
He is the long-suffering God. Wolterstorff says "the tears of God are the meaning of history." God suffers for the sins of the world. Every act of evil pulls tears from God. God voluntarily bound his life up with us. That is the best answer available to Wolter.'s grief.
This book is full of gems. Read his closing words on p. 86 for a contrast between the Stoic answer to pain and the Xian one. Or the Augustine quote on grief on p. 27. Or the funeral liturgy's opening words on pp. 38-39. Or the words of Scripture chosen for the requiem in teh appendix.
BTW -- very academic, but also excellent, is Woltersdorff's article from Reformed Journal, "The Wounds of God," on Calvin's view of mercy.
Book Review: This book speaks to the struggle of grief like no other
Summary: 5 Stars
Wolterstorff has written a brief, yet poingnantly reflective book on his journey through the valley of grief. He lost his 25 year-old son to a tragic mountain climbing accident, and wrote this book as he writes in the preface "to give voice to [his] grief." He continues "Though it is intensely personal, I have decided now to publish it, in the hope that it will be of help to some of those who find themselves with us in the company of mourners."This book is powerfully moving and brought tears to my eyes when I first read it. Wolterstorff voices many of the often unspoken feelings that mourners go through- from intense sadness to anger, to questioning, to longing for the loved one whom has died.
His reflections are powerful yet concise, and he has written the book in the style of a journal- documenting his struggle to grieve and cope with the intense anger and sadness of losing his son. Ultimately he finds his faith to be his greatest source of comfort and strength, but not before a long journey through the dark wilderness of grief.
I have also found this book to be extremely comforting and helpful- both in coping with my personal losses, as well as for bereaved family members in the grief support group that I facilitate. This book should be required reading for ANYONE who has lost a loved one, or works with the bereaved or is close to someone who has lost a loved one. I highly recommend it.