Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life
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Book Summary Information
Narrator: Stephen MitchellNarrator: Byron Katie
Edition: Audio Cassette
Audio: English (Original Language); English (Unknown); English (Published)
Format: Abridged, Audiobook
Published: 2002-03-10
ISBN: 1574535234
Publisher: Audio Literature
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Book Reviews of Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life
Book Review: avoidance and denial
Summary: 1 Stars
I really wanted to like this book. I knew that it was popular and I liked some of the ideas in the opening pages. But then I had to force myself to read to the end. The ideas became repetitious and unrealistic.
The author claims there are four important questions we must ask ourselves about a distressing situation in our lives, but two of the questions are the same: Is it true? and, Do you absolutely know that it's true? Why not just skip the first question and ask the second one?
The author must have preferred the idea of 4 questions rather than 3.
This book is a re-packaging of the idea that our feelings come from our thoughts and that if we can think more positively and accept our circumstances rather than making a judgement, we will be happier. Anyone who has read any self help books or gone through brief therapy will have discovered the truth of this.
But the author departs from this to suggest that we don't have to suffer if we accept everything and get rid of all our "shoulds." That if we accept the "truth" of the situation we can be calm, and avoid feelings of distress. Without any credentials at all, this author is denying what experts on grief have understood for decades: that humans must experience all the emotions to be fully human, and that there are ways of healing from most negative experiences if we are willing to do the work of healing, whether that work involves tears, anger, group therapy, etc.
In the endless examples of dialog given in the book between the author and her clients, the author was clearly leading the clients to reach the conclusions that were in the author's mind. She didn't allow them to reach any insights of their own because she was taking them to an outcome that would fit with her "theory." Her constant endearments in addressing these clients as she worked with them were cloying. Were I a client of hers, I would find that to be an inappropriate and annoying mannerism.
The author explains that she use to be in the depths of depression and despair. She never explains how she suddenly became well, but I think it must have coincided with her inspiration for this book and how she would market it. But teaching denial and avoidance is not okay, in my book, and could be very harmful. As humans, don't we need to admit that we are enraged when a drunk driver kills a loved one, or overwhelmed with sorrow when our baby dies? I'm guessing that the author cannot tolerate the pain that life can bring, and so has found a way to avoid it altogether. Sad for her, and a waste of time for the reader.
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