Mary Poppins (Odyssey Classics)
by Dr. P. L. Travers
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Book Summary Information
Author: Dr. P. L. TraversBrand: Houghton Mifflin Company
Illustrator: P.L. Travers
Edition: Paperback
Audio: English (Unknown); English (Original Language); English (Published)
Published: 1997-09-15
ISBN: 0152017178
Number of pages: 224
Publisher: Sandpiper
Book Reviews of Mary Poppins (Odyssey Classics)
Book Review: A Spoonfull of Bun-Buns Makes That Fiend, U.S. Grant, Curl Up and Die!
Summary: 5 Stars
Yes dear pimples, it is I, Professor Emeritus Johnstone, Emeritus Professor of American Literature.
Ah, where to begin. Mary Poppins is the epitome of fine Colonial writing. Mary Poppins, or Popkins as we professors call it, is an epic about love, life, destruction of tyranny, that dastardly swine, Ulysses S. Grant, and, of course, that most loveable of all jungle creatures, the bun-bun.
Now, bumpkinish fops, let us have a little background on the epic. The author, Percy "Big-Ears" Lemual Travers, jr. was born in 1765 in the Colonial town of New Troutwick to humble shoe-mongerers who practiced the pagan rites of Puratanism. Intelligent persons such as I, Professor Emeritus Johnstone, know this religion was a haven for baby-eaters and virgin-defilers. Luckily, young Big-Ears recongnized his parents' religion for the abomination it was and quickly slew his dragonish parents. How do I, Professor Emeritus Johnstone, know this? First, how dare you boil-covered collegians (That means you, Willoghby!) question I, Professor Emeritus Johnstone? I, Professor Emeritus Johnstone, am Professor Emeritus Johnstone! Secondly, I happen to have a letter, penned by Percy himself! I quote:
" To Thee Moste Noble, Intelligent, and Wise Professor Emeritus Percy Q. Johnstone-
Signed,
Percy "Big-Ears" Lemual Travers "
Yes yes! Once again I, Professor Emeritus Johnstone, am right. But now, to the book.
As we all know, this book is a "pre-sequel" to "Paradise Lost" by that freckled fiend, Milton. This picks up after the fiendish torture of the hero, Percy.
Our story opens in the fields of Brazil, where young Percy is being hounded by a lion of some sort, sent by that Lucifer in human form, Dwight Eisenhower (blast his piggy eyes), in league with the insidious Dr. Ulysses S. Grant. This coalition of evil will stop at nothing to steal the magic whip of redemption from the noble and godly Percy. Luckly, Percy tricks the feline (which professors such as I, Professor Emeritus Johnstone, know to mean "kitty" or "tumkins" as cats are known in the medical world) by convincing the saucy beast that he, Percy, is really that cad and bounder, Joseph "one-eye" Steinbeck, famous author of pornagraphic literature (may god curse his vile face!). The cat dies of shock (perhaps with a little help from Jehova, our Lord-Christ and Savior) and Percy continues.
At this point, he is joined by the "titliterature" character, Mary Popkins, a divine biddy who sweeps, prays and makes a piping hot bowl of gruel every morning for young Percy (unlike some biddies I could mention. Bah!). Popkins wields the magic porridge-spoon, which can be used to kill the nefarious jungle rabbits that are spying for Eisenhower.
Alas, it is not enough to stop the conniving machinations of the lucifer, Ulysses S. Grant, who kidnaps poor Popkins and kills Percy (which, as we, Professor Emeritus Johnstone's Class, know, caused that swine, Milton, quite a bit of trouble when he wrote "Paradise Lost"). The swine tries to subvert poor Popkins by showing her disgustingly erotic and illegal French Lithographs, hoping our dear lord, Christ, will damn her. Yes yes! The fiend would go so far (which is nothing compared to what the bumpkinish boil did to I, Professor Emeritus Percy Q. Johnstone! But I, Professor Emeritus Johnstone, digress) but luckily at the last moment, as Popkins is being force fed sinful foodstuffs like bread pudding and sausage iced-cream, our dear lord Jehova, burns down the jungle, which was a den of sin and iniquity anyway.
The end.
Sigh. Good literature brings a tear to my (Professor Emeritus Johnstone's) eye. It never ceases to amaze me (Professor Emeritus Johnstone) that such beautiful literature can spew forth from that pit of hell, the Colonies. But I...Willoughby, take that out of your mouth you filthy scalawag! I assign you fifty lashes before Vespers!
Hark! I hear the biddy ringing the noon-mass bells ten minutes to early! I, Professor Emeritus Johnstone, shall punish her, and then, perhaps take a nice nap in my nest of quilts. Bah!
Burping silently,
Professor Emeritus Johnstone
Emeritus Professor of American Literature
(Darkest India)
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