Playful Parenting by Lawrence J. Cohen Summary and Reviews
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Book Reviews of Playful Parenting
Book Review: Very Insightful, Helps me manage my irritation/frustration with my toddler
Summary: 5 Stars
This book is a sanity-saver. When you realize your child's "bad" behavior/acting up is no reason to despair or yell, and begin to see the real reasons they might be behaving obnoxiously, you automatically become much more compassionate, level-headed, and effective in your responses. It takes some getting used to, but play IS a better way to parent, even when you're feeling overwhelmed and in no mood to play.
One of the more eye-opening points for me is that when a parent is in punishment or overreaction mode, it's often an adult temper tantrum (parent isn't getting his/her way - even if they're right - so they have a fit that may or may not physically resemble the child's but is essentially the same thing: an emotional blow-up to either attempt to control the situation or inappropriately express anger/frustration). So true for me. Cohen's words and examples showed me (gently) how, in addition to being ineffective (which I had figured out, prompting me to buy the book), my reactions to my child's behavior are often immature and unfair. That was unexpected! It made a huge difference in my relationship with my child.
He quotes the physician's oath to "First, do no harm" and considers it a basic tenet of parenting. I feel like the reduction in my yelling/punishing and increase in my playfulness is not only avoiding further harm, but helping her in her development as well. And I'm much happier, too. I still lose my temper and yell sometimes, of course, but the time it takes to rebound back to a calm, gentle mommy has been reduced tremendously, and I always acknowledge to my child that I shouldn't have behaved that way and that I'm sorry. Modeling the kind of behavior you want to see in your child is considered one of the most important ways to teach your children, and now I practice what I was once so good at only preaching.
Book Review: We liked the concept
Summary: 4 Stars
My husband was already practicing "Playful Parenting" but I am sure others would benefit from some of the concepts presented. We have connected with our adopted daughter through playful parenting-she is very attached to us.Book Review: What do you know? Goofiness is a skill.
Summary: 5 Stars
This is a great book that I encourage parents to read. Dr. Cohen certainly didn't invent this approach, and I don't believe he's claiming to have, but he does a great job of making the case for the importance of playing with your children. And not just taking the time to play with your children, but also approaching discipline and parenting in a playful manner.
This is all easier said than done. The technique is fairly simple in its basic form: sitting on the floor, parent and child one-on-one, and play, letting the child take the lead and shape the direction of the play. But this really is a luxury for most families these days. Parents are busy and stressed. Some days, getting everyone where they need to go, putting food on the table, and keeping your kids safe is about all that can be asked. But the payoffs are worth it in terms of deepening the connection with your child, teaching confidence, and laughing together. It can also be therapeutic for the parents, as you observe what kind of fantasies or strong feelings are tough for you to tolerate. When is it tough for us adults to give up our dignity and play dumb, play powerless. When we re-direct, is it for our children's sake or to spare us from our own anxiety and frustrations. It's rich stuff.
Children play because it's fun. But it is also a child's way of learning, experimenting, playing with different roles, and communicating. Play is also a way of being close, so playing with your child helps bonding, filling that insatiable need for attachment and affection. A third purpose of play is to process and recover from painful experiences and emotional distress. Dr. Cohen gives the simple example of a little kid coming back from a doctor's visit and wanting to pretend they are a doctor and their parents are the patients who have to get shots. This phenomenon, mastering anxiety or painful emotions through play, takes different forms at different developmental stages, with a common adolescent example being the kid who gets bullied at school and goes home to play a video game in which they shoot and kill people.
I think it's easy to think of degrees of playfulness that are aspects of your personality, something inherent in some people and not in others. But you can actually learn it, and the examples in the book give nice illustrations of how to approach playful parenting. It's just a technique, it's an attitude, and one that immediately makes a difference if put to practice. It's focusing away from rules and instead teaching principles. It's entering the child's world, not worrying about the specific behaviors as much as trying to appreciate what the behavior is communicating. As Dr. Cohen says, "our children want us and need us to loosen up." An important part of this is getting down on the floor, literally, and looking at the world from the point of view of children. It is remembering what it felt like to be a little person walking around in a world full of these giant adults, grown-ups who rush around obsessed with the boring details of rules.
I've been fortunate to have this kind of playfulness modeled for me at my children's pre-school. I've described the preschool to friends, it is a co-op school, and they've joking labeled it `hippie pre-school.' I, myself, was calling it a free-range school. But I wasn't fully on board in the beginning. It seemed too unstructured. The kids were running around playing, doing what they want. It wasn't at all like other preschools I had visited, which operate more like obedience school for kids. I worried that, the kids are having fun but they aren't being taught anything. And then I finally got it. There's plenty of time in childhood later to sit in chairs and be a passive learner, plenty of time to learn your ABC's and math in the grade school years. The important tasks of preschool really should be social learning, learning to interact with other kids, learning to interact with adults who are parents or teachers, and nurturing the spontaneous creative play the comes naturally for all us until it has to be squelched, unlearned in the later grades.
I could go on and on, there are chapters in the book dealing with more specific situations that parents struggle with, discipline issues, sibling rivalries, safety issues, setting limits... all that stuff. Just a great book that provides a different perspective on parenting, explained in a way that- while appreciating the realities of our daily lives- when put into practice is refreshing and helpful for parents and children. It's also a lot of fun.
Book Review: a very very interesting account on how to deal with discipline the positive way
Summary: 5 Stars
This is one of the books which you put down and think "waow, I'm going to do things differently starting now!" and you do.
Dr Cohen presents his technique towards discipline: fun and play and how it is important to relate to children through their own natural way of learning which is playing.
I've copied the techniques exemplified there and it worked wonders with my little boy.
This is definitely a MUST-HAVE for all parents concerned with respectful and positive parenting. Quite complementary to Ginott's teachings about positive education. Superb book on non violent upbringing.
Book Review: beautiful, beautiful book
Summary: 5 Stars
A pleasant read with plenty of humor and ideas. The author is a nice real human being, not a miracle worker coming from outer space, teaching you how to loosen up and reconnect with your children in very simple ways.
The author offers hope and guidance to parents, helping them understand their mistakes with empathetic insights; empowers you with tools to address your own emotional issues, and covers every possible topic with lots of examples ( I loved that!)
Definitely the best parenting book I've ever read.