The Four Loves by C.S. Lewis Summary and Reviews
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Book Reviews of The Four Loves
Book Review: The Four Loves, by CS Lewis
Summary: 5 Stars
C.S. Lewis has made a priceless analysis of love. My experience of reading his book "The Four Loves" (friendship, affection, eros and charity) and comparing it with other books on the subject, is that Lewis uses a fresh (to me) approach. It is like looking through a beautiful diamond. I have observed the diamond several times before, through people like Gerald May, Donald Goergen etc, but have not looked through that particular face of the diamond's prism that Lewis shows.
I liked "friendship" where the love of a particular subject can bring two or more people together in a love. I thoroughly enjoyed "Eros". Lewis calls that "love" that is purely genital sex, and the love that leads up to this, "Venus". He says that Venus is part of Eros. "We must not be totally serious about Venus, and if we are serious about her we can do harm to our humanity". And "Venus is a mocking, mischievous spirit, far more elf than deity, and makes game of us. When all external circumstances are the fittest for her service she will leave one or both lovers totally indisposed for it. When every overt act is impossible and even glances cannot be exchanged - in trains, in shops and at interminable parties - she will assail them with all her force. An hour later, when time and place agree, she will have mysteriously disappeared, perhaps from only one of them. ......
"In Eros at times we seem to be flying; Venus gives us the sudden twitch that reminds us we are really captive balloons ..... on one side akin to the angels, and on the other to tom cats. .... St. Francis called his body 'brother ass'..... It is impossible for anyone in his right senses to either revere or hate a donkey. An ass is a useful, sturdy, lazy, obstinate, patient, loveable and infuriating beast; deserving now the stick and now a carrot; both pathetically and absurdly beautiful. So the body. .... The fact that we have bodies is the oldest joke there is".
Lewis goes on to emphasise that none of the "natural" loves can survive without agape love, that is the love that comes from God, which Lewis calls "Charity".Book Review: The fifth love is of good literature
Summary: 5 Stars
After 50 years, who am I to review a classic work like this? Oh well.
The first thing you should know is: if Amazon has heard of a C.S. Lewis book, you should read it. The Four Loves, however, is one of the ones that you should probably have heard of before browsing to here. It is a classic work, it is widely heard of and praised, and if you want the review to end here, then yes, it deserves to be.
Now, I do have one more specific comment. The best chapter is Friendship, because it's full of the most truth and importance. Affection is inundated with truth, but (as he adequately shows) it isn't as important, in any sense greater than the bestial; Eros is fairly important and fairly truthful; Charity is extremely important but it's largely his speculation (as he admits), and half a recap of the last 3 books"Mere Christianity". But Friendship rings with truth, importance, and original insight. It makes you rethink your friendships in real life -- and in a good way.
Best quote? "Affection and Eros are ... face to face; Friendship is ... side by side." Friends, and perhaps ultimately all lovers to some degree, get on much better when focussing on something they both enjoy, rather than on each other."
Oh, lastly, as for edition, this is a pretty solid edition. It has his note on the text, which is fair enough, and the cover looks cool enough to attract the attention of any guest.
Book Review: Thoughts on why marriage/long-term relationships fail
Summary: 4 Stars
~ How being true friends can help us stay in love for the long haul ~
CS Lewis' eloquent depiction of what true friendship is in his book 'The Four Loves' provided much fodder for thought. It has struck a chord as to why some marriages and long-term relationships become trying after a while.
The following are helpful quotes on the characteristics of "true friends", which is very different from the everyday usage of the word "friends":
1) Friends operate side by side. They let you be you and are not duty-bound. 'Don't mention it' is the way they really feel. They do not impose nor do they burden us with demands or expectations.
2) There is no jealousy or rivalry. They are truly happy for us when our external circumstances may take a turn for the better vis-à-vis theirs;
3) Companionship is not friendship. Friendship begins with the pleasant discovery of common interests, 'What? You too?' and involves not only being absorbed in congenial activities but growing mutual interests as the friendship deepens over time.
4) A friend needs not agree with us about our answers and would stop at the onset of any arguments by agreeing to `Let's just agree to disagree';
5) Common quest which unites friends does not absorb them in such a way that they remain ignorant or oblivious of one another. A true friend is never uninterested or uninquisitive about our affairs, no matter how many times they might have heard about our issues and are ever-ready to present help in any way they can;
7) Eros (lovers) have naked bodies but true friends have naked personalities - they dare to be honest and are not fearful of showing the best and worst in us
8) Proverbs 17:17 - "A friend loves at all times", with the sort of love that covers over a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8).
Marriage is the closest human relationship ordained by God where a man is to leave his family and be cleaved as one flesh with the woman in betrothal (Genesis 2: 14). Marriage is much more than just legitimizing or maintaining a healthy sex life or coming together for the purpose of procreation. Since it is not good for the man to be alone (Genesis 2: 18), a married couple is supposed to be each other's best friends or soul mates who click and have fun together, completing each other in this side of Heaven.
The crux is the depth of our friendship with our spouse determines how much and how long we shall remain in love with each other. The feeling of being 'in love' can be a powerful motivating force that oils the engines of our marriages and long-term relationships. Otherwise marriage is a tall order (even for practicing Christians) and one that would be doomed to fail or stuck in the mire of low-level stability where people stay in loveless marriages for the sake of their kids or avoid being social stigmas.
Unfortunately, many couples fail to remain true friends in every sense of the words. Many marriages and long-term relationships become duty-bound/obligations-driven/debt-repaying where jealousy rides high and burdensome as participants demand constant affirmation/approval/agreement. Oftentimes these relationships degenerate into downright unloving.
We would need to search our hearts and honestly ask ourselves whether we have endeavored to remain true friends with our better halves, actively seeking God's help when the goings get tough. We learn to do this by choosing to adhere to biblical precepts on love (1 Corinthians 13: 4-8),
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails".
Even when it may deeply pain us to take every thought captive in fighting those accompanying raw emotions to be in obedience to God's words in the doing (2 Corinthians 10:5).
Regardless of how we are being treated in any given relationship, we are called to live in peace (Romans 12:18, 21) and to return good (love) for evil (unlove). Our religion would be worthless if we claim to love God but fail to demonstrate a loving attitude towards our spouses (who also happen to be our closest neighbors). There should never be any strings attached too - whether our partners have changed or not (in actuality or in our mere perception) or are deemed unlovely, unlovable and unloving.
Book Review: Timeless reading
Summary: 5 Stars
Lewis's book on Love is one of the most insightful and helpful books I've ever read. His intellect is impressive, his theology flawless; so much so that one cannot help but benefit from reading this book... or practically any of his other works, of which there are quite a few. It's really a shame that men like this have to pass on the next life, isn't it?Book Review: Timelessly good.
Summary: 5 Stars
This book was first published in 1960, and as such, I'm sure a lot of people might say "Hah. It is out of date. We've learned a lot about love since then!"
To which I would reply, "No we haven't. There's nothing new, really."
The subject matter of this book is just as applicable today as it was back then. And just as applicable as it was fifty years before Lewis wrote it, because it deals with timeless meanings and principles of love, albeit, from a decidedly Christian perspective.
He begins by distinguishing what he calls Need-love (based on need, such as the love of a child for its mother) from Gift-love (selfless, the kind of love we attribute to God, or to a loving father), and then divides love into four categories, based on the four Greek words for love.
Each word is treated in its own chapter.
Affection (storge) is described as fondness through familiarity, especially between family members or people who have otherwise found themselves together by chance.
Friendship (philia) is a stronger bond that exists between people who share a common interest or activity. I love the part where he said In this kind of love, as Emerson said, Do you love me? means Do you see the same truth? - Or at least, "Do you care about the same truth?" The man who agrees with us that some question, little regarded by others, is of great importance, can be our Friend. He need not agree with us about the answer.
This kind of Friendship goes beyond mere Companionship. It's like a celebration of common ground, between people of similar interests and compatibility.
Then there is the Greek word Eros, which is love in the sense of 'being in love'. This is distinct from sexuality, which Lewis calls Venus, although he does discuss sexual activity and its spiritual significance in both a pagan and a Christian sense. He warns that if Eros is elevated to the status of a god, it has a tendency to self-destruct or at least not deliver what was promised or expected. However, he praises (to the rooftops, really) the proper (indispensable) function of Eros and Venus!
Charity (agape) is a love towards one's neighbour which does not depend on any loveable qualities that the object of love possesses. In this final chapter, Lewis presents quite a challenging and well-reasoned argument against living a life of "self-invited and self-protective lovelessness."
Overall, I think it a tremendously relevant book.
In probably the most radical statement found in the entire book, he says "The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell."