The Way Out: The Gay Man's Guide to Freedom No Matter if You're in Denial, Closeted, Half In, Half Out, Just Out or Been Around the Block by Chris Nutter Summary and Reviews
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Book Reviews of The Way Out: The Gay Man's Guide to Freedom No Matter if You're in Denial, Closeted, Half In, Half Out, Just Out or Been Around the Block
Book Review: Wild Thing! A Gay Stuart Smalley In Blunderland
Summary: 1 Stars
The editors who put the author up to writing this manifesto of silly mystical trash ought to be run out of the publishing business. This ridiculous, nearly hysterical screed of a book in no way shows "the way out" to anyone about anything.
If the author actually meant to indicate some kind of door to freedom for gay men, it's certainly not a psychological door. It's a back door -- back to another kind of closet, the religious closet, one in which you can hide or, better, disguise (or deceive) your "fabulous self" (a phrase used frequently in the book) and drop your gay identity so as to become One with God and everything -- but still have sex, of course (though probably not as much as you're used to).
The author is offering the reader an "alternative religion" closet (as compared to the Roman Catholic priesthood closet, for example) to step into. Religion and "spirituality" can perform these (verbal) "tricks" so well. It's called "word-magic." Like standard religions, Nutter's particular brand of theology (New Age) has all the answers so you don't have to use your tired out, stressed out brain to do any more thinking! Just follow the golden stream -- er, dream!
There are eight (8) chapters to this book. Passing over (or even pissing over - no matter) the required Introduction, the second chapter is tentatively about coming out consciously, but what the author means by "conscious" won't be hammered onto the reader's brain until much later in the book. This chapter, like all the other chapters, however, reads like a fifth grade reader, as spoken by a teenager, not a mature adult. "If you look into what Jesus said, he really had it down about how the universe works." Curiously, Mr. Nutter doesn't discuss Jesus' hell and judgment that will come to man on Judgment Day either in this context - or anywhere else in the book. I suppose that would just be too much of a downer, eh?
In the third chapter, the author gives really bad and dangerous advice about how to come out. He tells you, like a Nike commercial, just do it. It's easy. Since you don't know what other people think, you're just identified with your own thoughts. You can only know what you think and feel, not what other people think and feel. Put aside your expectations, he advises. Not only is coming out not an easy process but it can be a very dangerous one, and it is patently false that we can't know what other people are thinking and feeling. Ever hear of gossip? How about facial expressions? Slamming doors and cursing at the same time? The author actually believes that because his intent is goodness and kindness, he can do no harm! (The man seems informed by no academic discipline whatsoever -- good literature, logic, history, or science.)
In the third chapter, he now understands his advice needs to be qualified: coming out can be dangerous after all! What?
In this chapter, what had been a trend in his thinking from the Introduction on, now becomes fully consistent and heavily established: the author thinks in absolutes and extremes -- what Stuart Smiley (an actual reference within this book -- no kidding!) used to call "stinkin' thinkin'."
Here are some sample absolutistic assertions in this book:
(1) "All you have to do is . . . ." All?
(2) "I am just like you." No, you're not!
(3) "....only your character could believe that you are inferior to someone who is younger..." Only my "character" (he means "subpersonality")? Have you ever caught a glimpse of a teenager talking to his parent? Remember the slogan "don't trust anyone over 30"? My "character" isn't the "only" one.
(4) "Judging others is a symptom of self-judgment." And your point is? You're judging me for my review, aren't you? A man who gives bad advice and can't think beyond middle-school level (given his brain being normal) can't be judged a fool? Something smells stinky here . . . . The author, at the end of his manic religious tract of a book states, "...denying a creator when presented with .... an infinitely complex ... universe . . . is ... insane...." No judgment there, I suppose, eh?
(5) "Any thought that it's too late in the game for you to change ... is the thought of your internal abuser . . .?" The thought that it's too late for me to get caught in this con game is not my internal abuser, I can assure you! Besides, the tv program "American Idol" won't accept people beyond a certain age, no matter how good they can sing, and they won't listen to you, Mr. Nutter!
(6) "...in the universe there are only two emotions: love and fear." In the universe? I thought human beings and living creatures like animals were the ones who possessed this level of consciousness. What science book is Nutter reading? And "only" two emotions? The author lists "conflict" as an emotion (emotion?) derived from fear. Yeah, right! That's some fine psychological discrimination there!
(7) "...you are immensely powerful and you don't need other people." This is a strange absolute, except the author earlier mentions that we all do have a need for intimacy and HERE contradicts himself. But let's just say he's right, and I don't need other people: How am I supposed to get my intimacy needs met then? Robot sex? Computer counseling? What kind of freedom is this author after after all? In Chapter 5 we learn "Without Robert," the author declares, "I would still be extremely angry and isolated when it came to men...." So we DO NEED PEOPLE . . . .?
(8) Here's a really good dogmatic absolute: "...every romantic fantasy starts off, and ends, with loneliness." Every one! Why I am surprised! How about that! I can only hope the author's romance with this alternative religion has the same cycle -- though I don't wish him any emotional pain, poor guy!
(9) Lastly, the author states, "The truth ALWAYS diffuses negativity because the truth is ALWAYS harmless." Harmless! Harmless? Always! Just like the author's advice to come out to parents who may be hostile to your identity? Always? Wow! That's how I like my truth: impotent and harmless! 2+ 2 is totally harmless, just as is E=MC2. The truth is mosquitoes with malaria are deadly. Hitler's Ayran truth was harmless as well, I suppose. Bah, harmless truth!
Running throughout all eight (8) chapters, there are two intertwining threads, like DNA. One thread is vertical or chronological authorial and confessional information and the second thread is horizontal or dogmatically theological or the author's own system of beliefs. In the last two chapters, the author turns on the hysterical heat like some new contending gay Prophet for all the ages -- intimidating 14-year olds everywhere! He lets you know his palm tree is conscious. He tells you that you are the creator. (But Margaret Cho already told us: "I'm the one I want.")
By the racing, manic, torrential-rush-of-words finale that the author (and his unconscious editor who "validated" the author's writings) made of this book, sadly, I couldn't think of a more irritating and dislikeable author (except perhaps for Mark Steyn, author of the hatred-stirring book "America, Alone!"). What the author truly accomplished was to establish himself, and probably quite unconsciously, or better, what he did was to portray himself (again, unconsciously) as "THAT GUY." You know, the one who "has everything," and has got "the look" and every material possession to go with it, including the hunky boyfriend. Him. Christopher Lee Nutter is "THAT GUY" -- only this time round he's playing an entirely different "game" since he's reaching middle-age. The author earlier confessed to the reader that he'd "been there." He had been THAT GUY, WAS that guy. Now he is "all changed" from "that guy," or so he claims or wants the reader to believe. He says, "Believe me!" Dear Reader, do not believe him! No, Mr. Nutter is still "THAT GUY" -- but in the "spiritual universe." You do understand, don't you? The author simply switched the turf on which he likes to be "powerful." He's still "that guy"!
In conclusion, this book has one or two worthwhile psychotherapeutic insights to it, but I don't feel the author deserves any real credit for them. He certainly didn't originate them. These worthwhile ideas and insights from Nutter's memoir qua mystical tract about "conscious gay relationships" can better be explored, won, and understood more maturely and more sanely, by Alan Downs, Ph.D., the author of "The Velvet Rage."
"The Velvet Rage" addresses gay or homosexual relationship issues with greater finesse and intellectual discrimination than any book on gay psychology in recent years, and he tells you why it is important to heal your traumatic wounds before you enter into a relationship. "The Velvet Rage" is also available on Amazon.
If you want a thoughtful challenge to the current status of gay culture, read "Androphilia" by Jack Malebranche.
If you want to expand your consciousness without losing yourself in the process, read "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle.
But do not give "The Way Out" a moment's consideration. You'll be wasting time and wasting your being.
Book Review: Showing the Way to an Open Life
Summary: 5 Stars
The premise of "The Way Out" is that coming out of the closet is not something gay men must do just once, in their youth, with family and friends, but something to be repeated throughout their life journey. On reading this book, men who think they are long since "out" may discover what Christopher Lee Nutter calls "a vast space inside of your mind" where pain, fear and internalized homophobia are anesthetized by unconsciousness and avoidance. What sets this book apart is that the author is not a staid psychotherapist, but a very insightful and very buff former New York bartender and "fabulous gay man." Even those at the top of the feeding chain in hypersexualized gay culture, it seems, must deal with reality as they move into their 30s and face the certainty of aging. With impressive honesty, Nutter tells stories of life in the fast lane, loss of self-control, sexual addiction and the false selves gay men so often create as a front to the world. He also tells about "going off the morphine" and opening up deep fears and old wounds-wounds people can carry for a lifetime-in order to heal them with the light of consciousness. This is real life in the gay world. By being so unguarded, Nutter has written a book of unusual freshness and great charm. He does not shy away from deeper questions, but tells how finding love for yourself can lead to finding beauty and, in fact, the divine in other people. Nutter can be cocky and funny, but some passages have the poignancy of solitary night thoughts. This lovely book issues a challenge to gay culture as a whole: moving from "a dynamic of pain and using each other" to a dynamic of love and giving. Many readers will find so much to consider here that when they finish, they will want to start back again at page one. Book Review: A must read for coming out
Summary: 5 Stars
I recently came to the decision that I wanted to come out. I wrote down all the reasons for my decision as well as all the fears that I had about turning my life upside down. The list of fears was quite long and I found them to be overwhelming. Not knowing where to start I went to the book store to look for a book to start me on the foreboding process. I picked up The Way Out and was very fortunate to find it. As I read it I found it to be exactly what I was looking for and needed to hear and absorb in my mind. Since the author had been through what I was experiencing I found his voice and his thoughts to be exactly what I needed to hear to help me think clearly and step outside of my anxious state. It was very readable and organized in a logical manner and addressed my fears and how to work through them. I not only found compassionate guidance on how to come out but words of wisdom for living life that would apply to everyone. I found it to be all about loving yourself and then expressing that love for others. I would recommend this book to anyone who is thinking about coming out and to every gay man. I found it incredibly meaningful and it gave me the strength to come out. It is the type of book you will want to read again to make sure you have internalized it. Book Review: Helps with the INWARD journey of coming OUT
Summary: 5 Stars
I really enjoyed Christopher Lee Nutter's book. For me when I came out, I thought the hard part was just that - telling family and friends and the world "I'm gay." For me the hardest part was coming out to myself. That was dealing with my own homophobia, fears and so forth. I came upon this book well after coming out to others. It helped me with my own ongoing inner journey of accepting and loving myself just as I am. Chris' honesty and openness about his own journey helped this reader embrace the book and its important messages.Book Review: A voice of truth for a culture in denial
Summary: 4 Stars
As a gay male who has been out of the closet for 20 years I found this book to speak things the gay culture at large would prefer to deny. The aspiration many of us are seduced into of easy sex, adoration of our physical form and cult like devotion to gay group think has lead Christopher Lee Nutter to wake up as many gay men are doing. Is this all there is? What about my soul? If we all love men so much why do we treat each other so poorly? An army of lovers we all still might become but we need to be honest with ourselves . I loved this book and found it to resonate deeply with a truth inside myself!