The Wonder of Boys by Michael Gurian Summary and Reviews
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Book Reviews of The Wonder of Boys
Book Review: Let boys be boys not girls !
Summary: 5 Stars
Let boys be boys! Give them positive male role models,teachers and mentors! This is what boys need! Boys do not need female teachers in preschool or grade school forcing boys to play with or like girls! Its wrong for women to deprive boys of their boyhood and the "behavior" that makes them boys just to protect the progress of girls! This is stupid! Lets quit grossly overexaggerating the so called "handicap" of girls.Theyre doing fine! Its boys that are struggling today,and nobody seems to give a damn,least of all,women.I dont care what times we live in,boys deserve to be encouraged,inspired and supported just as much today as 40 years ago.Why should only girls be encouraged while boys are ignored just because of the false perception that the boys are the privileged majority and should therefore be held back so the girls may succeed instead? This very notion which has been perpetuated by female-centered propaganda is wrong and its absurd.We need to quit viewing boys and men as the root of all evil in our society and therefore undeserving of anyones love or support or concern.They are human beings and children of god,just like girls are.Book Review: Moms need not take offense...
Summary: 5 Stars
Gurian has done an astoundingly thorough job in addressing the issues many of us face in raising boys today. I have read other books about raising boys, including other books by Gurian (also good), but this one by far is the most comprehensive, thoughtfully put together book I've ever read. I think that anyone who is thoughtful about raising sons and committed to doing the best job possible should take a good look at this book and give serious consideration to his ideas.
Gurian admits in this book that he does not have all the answers and is constantly working to refine his suggestions. I love what he has done and how he has done it, by actually talking with many families and kids around the world, and using this information, along with neuroscience, and his rich cultural background and education to formulate these suggestions.
The book is based on the unique testosterone driven neurological needs if males. It explains this in detail and how to best support a boy's development and channel a boy's natural aggression into a positive and constructive way of life through out the different stages of development. If you do not believe in the idea of "testosterone driven neurological needs" of boys, then this book may not be for you. But there have been many studies done that have shown the differences in male and female brains and much experiential evidence that there are differences. Any teacher and parent I have asked who has both sons and daughters attests to these differences. Again, if you are a parent of boys and committed to doing the best job you can, this book deserves a sincere look, and these ideas, serious consideration.
I do see this book as a passionate advocate for boys and maleness, but NOT as male over female promoting. Near the beginning of the book, it strives to dispell the common impression that girls are the ones in crisis by comparing staticstics about girls to those of boys. But the intent I got from it is the presentation of a reality check about the state of our boys, and a plea for change because of the crisis we have on our hands of delinquent boys. But, if I could change one thing about the book, it would be how this plea is presented - fewer comparisons to girls. I think the statistics for boys are revealing enough on their own.
Yes, it does point out how mothers, society, and even fathers and other males can and do unwittingly harm boys' development, but I did not take offense to this because I see this book as a very practical, caring, and passionate guide to raising boys. If read in its entirety, readers would see that Gurian SUPPORTS mothers, holds them in the highest esteem, and sincerely calls for increased respect and support for mothers from family and society.
Some reviewers have pointed out that he does little to promote the intact family. He does mention this to be the ideal case in most circumstances. But he is also saying that in the absence of this ideal situation, or in the absence of extended family being available, here is how to try to mitigate some of the inherent risks associated with those scenarios. Even if the ideal situation does exist, here are the components that should be present to help you raise your son.
I am a single mom of fraternal twin boys about to turn fourteen. For us, most of what Mr. Gurian is saying in this book rings very true so far. My sons have naturally gravitated toward the activities (i.e., constantly challenging themselves, striving to improve skills), a rich family life, (i.e., Gurian's second and third families, the "tribe"), and many male mentors suggested by Gurian. Currently, they are very, very successful despite the fact that I am a struggling single mom. They have many accomplishments, are well rounded, have great discipline, and have a very bright future ahead of them. This book has helped me navigate some territories unknown to me in raising my sons, and has validated other guiding methods I've used before reading the book. It has helped me correct some of my mistakes, think through some tough choices, and I will continue to refer to it. I think it's one of the best books, if not THE best book out there on raising boys!
Book Review: Not all "boys will be boys"
Summary: 3 Stars
Yes, it is true that social and medical science have established a physiological basis of greater aggression among boys: namely testosterone, which should surprise no one.
However, I feel Gurian's work puts too much emphasis on this fact. Despite biology, there is more variation among boys, compared to variation between boys and girls. (Which is not to say he is unaware of this. It's a matter of emphasis.)
Some boys are not aggressive. These boys don't need to be taught how to get in touch with their feelings, or how to have an inner life--they already are, and do. What they need is for their individual forms of maleness to be affirmed and reinforced.
Such a boy--although his experience is far from rare--is constantly reminded, "You are different." All the well-intentioned affirmations, seen on posters on the walls of school counseling centers ("It's OK to be different!") will not alter his perceptive conclusion: different = bad.
He knows he is a boy, but not "one of the boys". He faces intense social pressure to conform to gender roles (transgressions from which are punished harshly, by parents and peers). The boy feels worthless, and begins a search for identity: a daily burden which never ends.
Trying to live up to how boys are supposed to act--and finding he cannot--he sees himself as an imposter. The disconnect between the role and the self: it damages not only his sense of worth, but also his integrity. Often he reacts by withdrawing into a private world, at a time in life (late chilldhood; adolecence) when socialization remains important. His lifelong potential is damaged.
I am not speaking exclusively of boys who--regardless of their future identity in terms of sexual orientation--have significant gay desires. As we ought to know by now, there are homosexual boys who are masculine; there are also heterosexual boys who are feminine, or who simply find that following the "boy code" doesn't come naturally. For them, it is a pose they must constantly adopt, for the sake of survival (socially and literally).
Most of us know the disturbing fact that suicide is among the most common causes of death of boys and young men, and that gay youth are disproportionately susceptible. However, if we were to look closer--if we looked not only at the percentage of suicidal boys who identify as gay, but also the percentage who have doubts their masculinity, regardless of sexual orientation--I fear the figure would be much higher.
Our broadening awareness of gender roles, ironically, creates more anxiety. We are less likely to regard young people's homosexual desires or experiences as "merely a phase". This is helpful to gay youth who are coming out. However, it leaves isolated those boys who are, in fact, merely experimenting. (Or who would like to, if they felt it were possible.) Most boys are neither a zero nor a six on the Kinsey scale, but there is the unspoken expectation that everyone must choose a side.
We as a society are, also, "going through a phase". We congratulate ourselves for our open-minded proclamation: boys and men no longer need to conform to strict gender roles. The truth is, we don't merely allow males to change. We demand that they do.
Some boys succeed: they transcend the masculine stereotype. Then we ostracize them.
Evidently, what we demand is not what we want. We have not progressed that far.
This double-bind limits all boys, even those who are most (seemingly) masculine.
What we need is a broader definition of masculinity. And we need to approach these issues with the understanding that every boy is unique.
Book Review: Open your minds fellow proud feminists, PLEASE
Summary: 4 Stars
Anyway, this book is oh so valuable. I have gotten SO MUCH out of it, including a greater understanding and respect for my husband and what his role in the life of our boys, our family, truly is. Wow. I msut admit, the chapter on mothers stinks. Gurian did an awful job on that, and is probably the main reason i couldn't give him a 5th star.
And in response to soemone who thought only fathers liked this, as i said I'm a mother and i found this book tremendously valuable. Especially the part regarding the spiritual and mentoring needs of boys as they grow through adolesence. Gurian stresses the need for male mentors, and he has good points, but I personally imagine a boy needs any mentor with whom he clicks regardless of the gender of that individual.
Anyway, this book is wonderful and thought provoking.
Book Review: Pseudo-Feminist Alert
Summary: 1 Stars
Gurian claims in this book to be a "feminist" family therapist but reveals his anti-woman bias throughout the book, especially when he names the only "feminist" thinkers he agrees with: Katie Roiphe, Camille Paglia, and Christina Hoff Somers -- women who are more misogynist than feminist. Gurian's philosophy is truly dangerous. He states that men are biologically determined to be violent and dominant over women, and that women should not try to change this fact. He wildly understates the consequences of the "boys will be boys" attitude, such as sexual harassment and rape; and he seems bitter about the economic strides that women have gained in the past twenty years. This is a backlash book masquerading as a parenting guide.