Tongue Fu! : How to Deflect, Disarm, and Defuse Any Verbal Conflict
by Sam Horn
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Book Summary Information
Author: Sam HornEdition: Paperback
Audio: English (Published)
Format: Bargain Price
Published: 1997-03-15
ISBN: N/A
Number of pages: 240
Publisher: St. Martin's Griffin
Book Reviews of Tongue Fu! : How to Deflect, Disarm, and Defuse Any Verbal Conflict
Book Review: Be Nice Without Losing Your Worthiness
Summary: 5 Stars
Communication. It's what makes us human.
And, "Tongue Fu!" is a book that guides you to put compassion before reaction.
It's a very no nonsense book about standing on your own feet without stepping on anyone's toes. And, it is mainly targetting communication at work, although, if you master what this book has to teach you about disarming angry people, you can certainly apply this outside of your work environment.
There are 4 parts to this book:
1. Respond, Rather Than React:
When you think back on the outcome of times when you blurted your reactions,
before taking time to gather your thoughts, you will agree with Sam Horn that
this always makes things worse.
Ms. Horn's suggestion is, "Have compassion for this person, by asking yourself
how you would feel, if you had the same circumstances as she or he has."
Done skillfully, and with prior practice, can make a big difference in your
outcome.
My favorite quote in this section of this book, is, "Speak when you're angry -
and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret," Henry Ward Beecher.
2. Words to Lose, Words to Use:
In this section, Ms. Horn suggests, and I strongly agree that we need to
replace "but" with "and."
When you've made a statement, especially a compassionate statement, and you
follow it with what you want your attacker to understand, by using "but," you
cancel out all the good you've just shared.
Another example of words to lose, and words to use is, replace "You have to
work with Bob on this project," with "Could you please coordinate with Bob on
this project?"
This is an example of knowing how to play corporate politics, in a good way.
There's an assumption that the person asking the question is in charge. It's
up to you to play out your position, in this question.
3. Turn Conflicts Into Cooperation:
While I've never liked the word, "Cooperation," I chose to put myself in Ms.
Horn's shoes, with this word. And, I must admit, I kept hold of the phrase
that I would replace that word with - "made a new decision based upon peace."
This section is about turning your attacker's topic into something beneficial.
4. Get More of What You Want, Need and Deserve:
This section advises readers to calculate the risks in confronting someone,
according to benefits on a scale, prior to confronting that person. This
section is more about after the attack. It is also about building your
confidence, so that you re-affirm who you are.
Overall, this is a great, easy to follow, and easy to learn from read for those who are looking to matter.
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