You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation
by Deborah Tannen
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Book Summary Information
Author: Deborah TannenEdition: Paperback
Audio: English (Unknown); English (Original Language); English (Published)
Published: 2001-07-24
ISBN: 0060959622
Number of pages: 352
Publisher: William Morrow Paperbacks
Book Reviews of You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation
Book Review: A Book Review by Yarith Calito
Summary: 5 Stars
"Smart and Intriguing for the minds of those incapable of understanding the opposite sex," Yarith Calito (Wayne State University)When I read the title of this book I was not looking directly at what this book could bring to me, besides the 15% of my final grade. But the impact it has had on me, and older sister, is extraordinarily unplanned. I figured this book to be about the differences of how men and women never quite understand each other. It was that and a lot more.
Dr. Deborah Tannen makes excellent points in explaining why she thinks men and women are clearly out of sync when it comes to communication. Her idea of genders having "genderlects" instead of dialects is most interesting. She describes how boys and girls are raised with different communication atmospheres. The way a father and mother speak to their daughters; a kinder, gentler tone, as opposed to when they speak to their sons; firm, and with authority. The way we are brought up accounts for the miscommunications amongst genders.
Dr. Tannen does present the reader with a lot of first hand experiences and details about how she came to realize the differences in communication with females and males. How women and men speak, and communicate differently when in same sex conversations, then with mixed sex conversations. Women, because they are more likely to be nicer, always tend to be a good listener, even when they have something to say.Men, on the other hand, are always in competition, compete for the spotlight and tend to be the conversational leader. The way she interrelates, relationships and communications is also an interesting idea. Many of the examples are either of married couples, or those of a long-term relationship wise couple. She does this in a way which allows you to kind of think about it and realize that such an idea can really occur in both communications and relationships.
Writing this book, must have come with no trouble at all for Deborah Tannen. I say this with great admiration because the use of simple language and making it seem all the more interesting, takes a great deal of talent to do, and yet it seemed so effortless. Appreciating that of the simple chosen words, and yet somehow turn to an art piece of interpretations. She writes flawlessly and with clear direction of what she is trying to point out and or state.
The main idea, though, really caught my attention, was the idea of how we view communication. Men view it as a means of competition and ranking ones status. Women see it as a way of becoming intimate with another person, and setting a standard to which we measure everyone's friendship. This idea, Dr. Tannen explains, is the reason why men and women often do not understand each other. Of course telling you about how we can overcome this little bit of difference between genders would mean give away the whole book, I can truly say this: Deborah Tannen did an excellent job on teaching a poorly communicative girlfriend like me, learn a thing or two about the "genderlect" my boyfriend speaks in.
I would most definitely recommend this book to anyone who is either in or out of a relationship, or just wants to be able to understand why we just don't understand our male friends, fathers, and brothers, express themselves the way they do. Also this is book is just not for the those trying to interpret the male "genderlect", but also wanting to interpret why women speak and react to communication done throughout any interaction with the sexes.
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